We > Me

 

I was driving through town the other day and saw two girls walking together talking.  It was apparent from the type of shirt they were wearing that the girls were on the same sports team. They were both wearing a t-shirt that had a saying on it I had never seen before.  It said

 

This shirt got me thinking about the early childhood profession.  Based on conversations I have had with numerous providers across the country over the last year, I think I am safe in saying that we as providers don't often find ourselves in a WE > ME situations but rather THEM vs. ME or THEM > ME situations. 

The THEM can take on all shapes and forms.  "THEM" can be parents or licensors or decision makers or family members.  The list can go on and on. The "THEM" that I hear about most often are the ones who monitor our programs.  I hear constantly from providers how hard it is to do their jobs because of people who set policies they have to follow in their childcare programs.  Quite often the people in decision or policy making positions have no first hand experience in an early child hood setting let alone in a family child care setting.  Why is it people who have never done family child care feel comfortable making decisions about our profession without thoroughly researching it or at the very least talking to family child care providers directly before making decisions?

I can only assume it has something to do with the fact that our profession is not always thought of as a profession but rather as babysitting.  When it is thought of as babysitting it changes the amount of professionalism that is tied to child care.  Anyone can be a babysitter right?

I truly believe that in order for child care providers to experience less frustration caused by "them" we as providers have to come together and speak out.  We can't rely on others to speak up for us.  The most important reason is because they are not the experts in the filed of child care - we are.  We have the knowledge and the experience to advocate for ourselves individually and as a whole profession.  It starts with simple conversations with friends and family about what we do and then moves onto anyone else that we have the opportunity to talk to about our profession.  It's kind of like the Breck shampoo commercial from the 70's.  "I told 2 friends and they told 2 friends who told 2 friends...  We need to start the conversation. 

The state where I live is facing some rather significant changes related to the Early Care and Education field.  Decisions are being made that are not in the best interests of child care providers but more importantly not in the best interest of children.  The We>Me shirt really got me to thinking, what if all early childhood professionals took this on as their motto?  What if we all joined together with the same mindset and stood up for our own children as well as the children in our programs?  What if we all joined together to save childhood?  What if all the decisions we made that affect children were made for the good of the child?

I have vowed to do all I can to see that the decisions based in my state are for the good of the children, what are you going to do for the children in your state?



 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Cultivating Parents

Everything that grows in life comes from seeds that are planted.   This is true whether we are actually planting something that will grow from the ground or something we plant as a concept or idea.  Both begin with seeds.

This year we decided to plant sunflowers.  Big giant sunflowers. While this may seem like a small thing to people who are successful gardeners, it is a huge undertaking for me.  Growing things from the ground is way harder for me than growing things from an idea.  Let's put it in perspective by saying I have been able to grow ONE houseplant successfully - ever!

While I may not be a successful gardener, I am successful at growing other things.  One of the things I am most successful in growing is relationships.  A frequent topic when talking with other child care providers is how to fill openings in their child care programs.  When they ask me how I stay full and have families that stay from birth to school, I tell them it is through relationship development.  No matter how well you get along with the child you have to have a successful partnership with the parent as well.  It takes time and effort to "plant a successful parent garden."

With any kind of planting, the first step to cultivating a garden is preparation.  You have to make sure the soil is ready for planting which may include tilling, clearing of rocks, checking for drainage issues, and  adding organic matter such as compost or manure.  Preparation is an important part of cultivating your "parent garden" as well.  You must be prepared when potential child care parents call you for an interview.  The words you choose, the way you conduct your interview, and the items you include in your handbook or contract are all important first steps.  This is your first opportunity to present a professional image and let them know your expectations of them as parents in your program.

The second step to your garden is planting the actual seeds.  Seed or bulb packages contain precise information on how deep they need to be planted, where they need to be planted and what time of year they need to be planted.  Planting seeds with parents involve when, where and time as well.  It starts at the very beginning - the interview.  After your interview you wait for word from the parents whether or not they will take the slot.  What do you do during that time?  If it is a family that you feel will be a good fit for your program, let them know.  Nothing fancy, just a little note saying you enjoyed meeting them and think they would be a great addition to your child care.  This can be done through email or texting or a phone call.  It's okay to let them know you want their business. It is just as acceptable to let them know if you think they will not be a good fit.  During my parent interviews I tell them thanks for coming and take some time making their decision.  We want this to be a good fit.  It is okay if they decide we aren't the right program for their child because I will let them know if I think they will not the right fit for our program.

Once you receive word that they will be joining your program, your relationship begins.  The most important step in developing your relationship with the parents is the day-to-day interactions that you have with them.  It can be compared to watering your garden.  We all know that if you don't water your plants they will die.  It is the same thing with parents.  If you don't connect with parents each time they come to your child care the relationship is not going to develop.  How many times have you been busy when  a parent arrives to drop off or pick up a child?  Do you take that moment to have a meaningful couple of sentences or is it just a "here you go" kind of exchange followed by "have a good day."  I know we are really busy as providers, but we need to remember how important our exchanges with parents are in relationship development.  Take time to ask a few family specific questions to let them know you genuinely care about their family.  This will also help to establish a "full-circle" type of care situation.  If you are helping enforce the same things parents are at home and they are helping enforce what you do in your program, the child will see that you and their parents are a unified team.  I have found this approach has actually helped to reduce numerous problems in my child care including behavior issues.

Over the months of my sunflower adventure, we encountered numerous obstacles - my dog digging up the sunflower bed (which prompted a fence), ants eating the leaves (which prompted pepper on the leaves), and 4 hail storms.  Although as you can see the leaves are a little battered, they survived.  Working with parents often has obstacles that we must overcome, learn from and make any necessary adjustments as well.  It is up to you as a provider to speak up.  You must let parents know when there is an issue.  Things won't change unless you speak up.  If a parent continually picks up late - weed out that problem.  If a parent doesn't pay on time - weed out that problem.  If a parent doesn't follow the rules in your program - weed out that problem.  It isn't their fault if you don't speak up! 

Finally remember to let your parents know that you appreciate them and the fact that they have trusted you to care for one of the most precious things in their lives - their child.  This is the sunlight in your parent garden.  If parents feel valued they will stay with your program.  They will talk about your program to friends which can lead to business for your program.  If you are able to fill your slots by word of mouth you are less likely to get problem parents.  Parents are not going to knowingly refer someone that is going to cause their provider problems.  They want a successful relationship with you.

Are you taking the time to cultivate your parents or are you just complaining about the problems they cause?  Are you proactive when you want a family in your program?  Do you explain clearly the expectations and policies you have in place in your program?  Are you providing enough water and sunshine for the parents in your program?

Mondays in Disguise

 

Have you ever had one of those days?  You know the ones - the ones that come in looking like any day of the week but are truly a Monday in disguise.  Days like this start out innocently enough but...

Imagine a day that starts out with little Amy's mom rushing her in the door, depositing Amy in your arms, kissing her little angel on the head and yelling over her shoulder as she leaves your house, "Amy woke up with a fever.  It was just a little one 100.9 but it's gone now thanks to the Tylenol.  She should be good to go!"  Amy's drop off is immediately followed by Mathew coming out of the bathroom saying, "Your bathroom is really cool Miss Sue, and the floor is all squishy-squashy."  Upon investigation you find that the Myth Busters in your program have figured out just how much toilet paper and how many paper towels it takes to make a "waterfall" out of your toilet, which does in fact lead to squishy-squashy floor.  Upon exiting the bathroom you hear Becky say, "Look Miss Sue, Tommy's breakfast is coming back out.  Isn't that cool?"  The final icing on the cake of your "are you kidding me day" is topped off by your licensor ringing your doorbell and popping her head in to say she is there for your unannounced visit!

Anyone reading this description that is not a child care provider might think you were making the whole thing up.  If they did believe you they would probably just chuckle and offer a few well-placed platitudes such as, “I just don’t know how you do it” or  “It probably seemed worse that it was.”

Now don’t get me wrong those that love us such as husbands, friends, and parents (both our own biological ones and those that we serve in our child care programs) truly do care about us and want to hear about our day, it’s just they can’t really understand the feelings and emotions we go through during a day like the one described above.  

If you tell another child care provider about a day like this, not only do they understand but they can completely identify with how you are feeling and tell you they understand because that kind of day happened last week for them.  This becomes a bonding moment for the two of you as providers.

This kind of sharing between family child care providers is vitally important to our mental health.  The support we gain from others in the field is invaluable.  Family child care providers we spend anywhere from 10—12 hours per day generally without the ability to interact with our peers.  Networking with other providers helps to combat isolation and burnout and is important.  Being able to share our thoughts and feelings with others who truly understand is crucial to our well being as providers. 

Do you have a support system of other family child care providers?  What do you do to fight burnout?  How do you survive Mondays in disguise?

Forever Friends

Two of the best definitions I have found for the word friend are:

 

1.  one attached to another by affection

2.  a favored companion

  

One of the things I enjoy in child care is watching children develop relationships and friendships with other children in my program.  It happens all the time but occasionally there is a friendship that begins and lasts way beyond child care. 

A few years ago I had two little girls in my child care program that both stated at birth ( for confidentiality reasons we will call them Abbi and Logan.) Both girls started in our program when they were babies and were a part of our program until they entered kindergarten.  They did tummy time together, they learned to sit up together, they learned to walk together, they learned to talk together - they learned everything together.  Their friendship began as early as a friendship can begin and as the years passed it became clear they were best friends.

All of the children in our program knew they were best friends as did their families.  While there were occasional play dates outside of our program, they did not live in the same neighborhood and their parents did not socialize outside of child care so they had very limited opportunities to spend time together other than the when they were at child care. 

Time ticked by and it was soon time for the girls to head off to kindergarten.  As kindergarten approached they would have long talks about the plans they were making to see each other after Miss Sue’s.  They did not completely understand that they would not be going to the same kindergarten or that they would not see each other every day.  As their last days in child care approached their families and I all tried to help make it a smooth transition.  As expected there were tears on their last day when they realized they would not be sharing their lives in the same way.  Both girls went off to kindergarten and their days at our program became memories. 

One day after Christmas break Abbi’s mom called me and said she wanted to tell me a story.  Abbi and Logan had not seen each other since starting school.  Abbi had just received a picture in the mail from Logan.  Logan had dictated a note to her mother which was to be included in with the picture.  The gist of the note was, “Here is a picture I made for you because I miss you very, very, very, much!  You will always be my best friend!  Love, Logan” After Abbi’s mom read the note to Abbi she began to cry.  Not just a little cry or a pretend cry, but a deep cry one would associate with loss.  Abbi’s mom explained that while she knew how close the girls were, she truly didn’t understand how close they were until that moment.  She had not taken the time to look at the situation from the girls’ point of view.   They had spent 40+ hours per week together for five years. and then suddenly nothing.  After she calmed Abbi down she called Logan’s mom and explained what had happened.  They scheduled the first of many play dates.  The best friends were reunited.

As a child care provider I totally understand the importance of social development and relationship building in children birth to five.  I've always tried to share information with the parents in my program about important relationships their child has developed in our program.  One of the ways I have shared that information is by providing parents opportunities to see their children socialize with the other children in my program.   We all know that certain parents drop off at certain times and pick up at certain times.  If they don’t happen to have the same work schedule it is quite possible they never run into each other.  With this in mind I have always scheduled family events in my program so that parents can see their children at play and socializing with the children they spend 8, 9, or more hours per day with.  It provides parents an opportunity to see how much other children mean to their child. 

 Do you share relationship information with the parents in your program? Do you provide family events in your program?  Do you understand the depth of friendship that can develop in young children?  Who are friends in your program?  What do you do to foster friendship in your program?

 



 



What's Your Story?

One of the things I enjoy the most about networking with other providers is hearing their story.  The story about why they became a child care provider.

For me it was literally a life changing journey.  Twenty-one years ago I worked in a personnel office for a state agency.  Our oldest daughter was 6 and our son was 4 when our youngest little bundle came along. 

When my maternity leave ended we took our children to one of the most amazing family child care providers I have ever met.  The kids loved her, my husband and I loved her, but something was wrong.  Not with our provider but with me.  Each day after I dropped the kids off at her house I would cry all the way to work.  I would cry on my breaks, I would cry on my lunch, I would cry all the time.  My crying didn't have anything to do with our provider - it was all me.  After a lot of self evaluation I realized that I was feeling this way because this was our last child and I didn't want to miss a moment of it.  Staying home was not an option because we needed my income as well as my husband's.

Soon after I returned to work my best friend called me and told me that her child care provider was closing.  She was having a terrible time finding a quality program where she could take my goddaughter.  She asked if my provider had any openings.  As with any good provider, her program was full and her waiting list was long.  Time went by and they still had not found a new child care provider and I was still unhappy with my own situation with my daughter.  During a conversation my friend mentioned that she and her husband might have come up to a solution to both of our problems.

What if they brought my goddaughter to me for child care and I could stay home with both their child and our children.  They would pay me and that would allow me to still bring in an income.  I have to be honest, when she first explained her plan to me I laughed.  Seriously, it was the 80s and I was little Susie Business Woman.  I'm sure you've seen pictures - big hair, big jewelry, business suits, shoulder pads - you get the picture.  While I loved being a mom I couldn't imagine being home all day caring for and entertaining children. 

We pretty much tabled the conversation until I really couldn't handle missing my kids anymore.  I talked to my family and once I had their blessing and support I called my friend and told her let's give it a try.  I gave my notice and 2 weeks later my child care adventure began.  I have to admit, things went much smoother than I had anticipated and more surprisingly I found myself really enjoying my career change.  After a few weeks I received a call from the gal who had the office next to mine when I worked for the state.  She wondered if I was still watching my friend's child and if so, would I consider watching her daughter as well.  I figured since I was already watching one child other than my own why not watch one more.  This sort of started an avalanche of calls and one thing led to another and next thing I knew I was licensed, at capacity and had a waiting list of my own.

My plan was always to do child care until our youngest daughter was in school.  Apparently I neglected to specify which school because she is in the last stages of nursing school, I am still doing childcare and am in fact providing child care for her two children as well.  Looking back I can see that God had a bigger plan for me than I could have ever imagined.  While I enjoyed my job at the state, I have more than enjoyed by career as a provider. 

I would love to hear your story.  Why did you become a child care provider?  Was it accidental or on purpose?  How long have you been a provider?  Why do you continue to be a provider?  What is the best part of being a provider?  What would you change if you could?

I Need More Hellos

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos.   Charles M. Shultz

 

 

I am not a fan of good-byes.  Never have been.  This time of year is always full of good-byes for most child care providers and I am no exception.  This year I have two little ones going off to kindergarten. 

 

I've always thought that doing family child care was a double-edged sword when it came to the close relationships we build with the families in our program.  While I love the fact the that the greater majority of families that come through my program have been with me from birth to school, it also makes it harder to let them go. 

When you have families that have 2 or 3 children it is not unusual to have that family involved in your program for a decade or more.  A DECADE!  Think about how much time that is.  When you work in child care you often see your child care families more than your own family members or friends.  While it is always hard to say goodbye to the children that leave my program it has become increasingly harder over the last few years.  I attribute that to the fact that our own children are now grown and out of our house. 

Recently I was taking a trip down memory lane thinking about different families that have come and gone over the years.  Now you all know that even though we try not to, we have favorites.  For a multitude of reasons we bond with some families more than we do others.  There was a period of time about 5 years ago that I had a larger than normal group of longtime families that I was really close too.

One day a couple of months ago one of those moms stopped by.  I thought she was bringing her kids to visit but she was alone.  She said that she was in the area and wanted to stop in because she had a few questions.  The first thing she asked was how was child care going and did I think I would be doing it a while longer.  I said it was going great and yes I was going to keep going for at least another 4 or 5 years.  She said that was great news and wondered if I had any infant openings.  I assumed it was for a friend and told her that if it was for her of course we had an opening.  She smiled and quietly said, "it is."  Their new little bundle was a total surprise!  One of my favorite families ever will be rejoining or program in November. 

As I've mentioned before I look for signs that I am on the right track, I am where I need to be in my life.  This was definitely one of those signs. 

Last Friday I said goodbye to one of my two little ones heading off to kindergarten and yesterday I said goodbye to the other little one.  Today holds another goodbye for me.  Our son is going back to Chicago (900 miles away) this afternoon.  He has been home for a week for our oldest daughter's wedding which had a whole lot of goodbyes tied to it.  I'm feeling sad as I write this post just thinking about it.  I know I am being selfish and I need to focus on the fact that he is only a phone call or Skype away but it is hard none the less.

Today I will work hard to make the day full of hellos.    Hello to new opportunities to develop relationships with the new little ones starting with our program next week. Hello to new experiences for the children in my program.  Hellos to people I haven't talked to in a while.  Hellos to new ideas and the places they can take me. Hellos to life!

Are you going to have hellos or goodbyes in your program today?  How will you handle them?  What can you do to make memories today? 

 



 



Facebook page

I've started a Facebook page to go with my blog.

You can find it at https://www.facebook.com/bwordnotallowed  I'm still new to blogging and can't figure out how to put a link to connect on the home page.

I also can't figure out how to put blog on the Facebook page.  I'll get it figured out, but until then this will have to do.  :)

TRASH TRUCK!!!!

You can feel the rumbling and hear the squealing before you ever see it.  Squeaky brakes, clanging cans, revving engine, grinding gears.  Waiting, listening, watching and then...it appears!  The TRASH TRUCK!

The driver is greeted with squeals of delight, waving hands, and smiles of anticipation provided by a complete squad of cheerleaders ages 2 to 5 years.  She waves back and off she goes.

This cheering section is a weekly occurrence at my child care program.  It truly is one of the most exciting moments in our program each week.  Actually every other week it happens twice because it is a recycle week.  While I know that this is going to happen every week, I have honestly never taken time to watch the trash truck - until today.  As I stood on the deck watching the kids I did something I had never done before, I watched the trash truck.  I've seen the trash truck a zillion times but until today I had never taken the time to watch exactly what it does. I watched as the yellow arm lowered down to my trash can and scooped it up.  Slowly the yellow arm raised up above the truck and slowly turned our garbage can upside down.  As the can was held upside down, bag after bag fell through the air and into the back of the truck.  Once it was empty the big yellow arm slowly turned the can upright and sat it back down by the fence and drove away.

The whole trash truck visit got me to thinking.  What else was going on in my childcare that I wasn't taking time to watch and enjoy.  I am the first one to admit that I sometimes get swept up in the tasks of the day, the problems, the frustrations and forget to stop and enjoy the day.

It seems sometimes that too many days go by and I realize I have gotten caught up in the product of child care (the stress - the problems) vs. the process (enjoying the children and the work we do).  Seriously now, have you ever thought about what a blessing it is to be a childcare provider?  What other career pays someone to play, explore, create, and be a part of the most important years of a child's life?

I found some words of wisdom in a book called, "100 Ways to Build Self-Esteem & Teach Values" by Diana Loomans that I'd like to share.  These words help me to remember the importance of what I do and how much I truly love my career choice.  They help me to live in the moment and not spend my days waiting for weekend.

If I had my child to raise over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

  I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love. 

 

What did you take time to stop and enjoy in your program today?  this week?  Are you taking the time, to take the time, to enjoy the children in your program?  Can you name three discoveries the children in your program made today?  this week?  Do you have a harder time focusing on the joy of your job because of issues with the children or issues with their parents?  Are you living for the weekend? 

 



 

   

Is the Heart Missing?

I recently had a conversation with one of my child care moms about an interim director at her place of business.  There has been a large staff turnover in higher up management positions and she was telling me that the new director had held a meeting and wanted to talk about whatever questions the staff might have.   It was clear that people were not comfortable asking questions.  My child care mom is a strong person and wanted answers, so she asked one of the most burning ones - why did everyone leave?  The director addressed the question head on and a change in the room began.

As the meeting progressed my child care mom felt that the new interim director had something that was missing from the last director - heart.  She had empathy and compassion for the staff.  She genuinely wanted the staff to be happy in their job and happy in general.  My child care mom went on to say that it felt almost "freeing" after having been through the previous management style that didn't value employee happiness and satisfaction.

I have been a child care provider for the last 21 years.  In addition to being a child care provider, I am the state coordinator for the family child care network in my state and a trainer.  In my work with other providers I work hard to help them understand the important role they play in the lives of the families they serve and that child care is a profession.

My mom hit on one of the exact messages I try to convey to the providers I mentor and train.  That message is - if you put your whole heart into your child care program the dynamic of your child care program will change.  You can't run your child care program halfheartedly.  You can't have interactions and exchanges with the children in your care halfheartedly.  You can't build a relationship with the families in your program halfheartedly.  It has to be all or nothing to truly be successful. 

Now I know there are people out there that are going to say that if you give yourself wholeheartedly you will crash and burn.  That's where as a professional you have to find ways to fight burnout and stress and incorporate them into your daily routine.

As I was writing this blog post I was thinking about the years that I have felt totally satisfied as a provider and the ones I have not and I had yet another EPIPHANY!  The years that I felt less satisfied were years that I was not giving myself whole-heartedly to my program!

Were there reasons I wasn't giving myself wholeheartedly?  Yes.  Are there reasons we as providers do not go all out?  Of course.  In order to go all out that means we have to open ourselves up, heart and soul, to the families in our program and that leaves opportunity for us to be hurt or disappointed.  There are numerous factors that play a role in how much of ourselves we can put into our program at any given time.  We may be dealing with financial issues, or loss of a loved one, or confusion about our career choice, or a million other things.  What we need to remember is that as long as we are working in the child care profession we have to stay focused and give ourselves wholeheartedly for the good of ourselves and the children in our program.

Are you giving yourself wholeheartedly to your program?  Why or why not?  How do you as a provider make the families/children in your program care?  What do you do to show them that you care?  How do you show that they matter to you?  Do they matter to you?  Do you open yourself up to have an honest, open relationship with those in your program or is it  just "going through the motions?"  Do you actually care about the families in your program or are they simply a paycheck?

Our winner is....

Sabrina Caston. 

Sabrina can you private message me with you address and gift card preference and I'll get it in the mail.

Thanks to all participated.

Let's Have a Contest!

I am having a contest.

Everyone who follows this blog and then posts a comment on this post will be entered into a drawing for $20 gift card of their choice.

Deadline to enter is midnight Saturday, August 10th.

Let's start a following :)

Walter

There have been three Walters in my life. 

This is the first Walter.  For those of you too young to remember him, this is Walter Cronkite.  Walter Cronkite was the news anchor for CBS for many years.  Everyone loved him and at one point a survey ranked him as the most trusted man in America.  I lost both of my grandpas at a young age and decided that I wanted Walter Cronkite to be my new grandpa.  Of course that never happened but it was one of my dreams as a little girl.



 



                                                    

 

This is the second Walter.  Walter is my oldest daughter's dog.  Years ago we were at a cookout at a campground out in the middle of nowhere.  This little white dog was running around visiting all those attending.  After a while he kind of settled in with our immediate group.  I asked the campground manager whose dog he was.  The manager said someone had left him there a few weeks ago.  He had let him stay thinking maybe the person would return but they never did.  Since it was obvious they were not coming back he had decided he was going to have to take him to a shelter because he couldn't find him a home.  Long story short - my daughter and her roommate took him in.  I'm sure just by looking at him you can tell he has a bit of an attitude. Walter immediately won my heart.  There aren't many people who actually like him but we have a special connection.

 

When it came time to name him we kicked around numerous names.  One of the names I put out there was Walter.  Not just Walter but Walter Cronkite. For some reason he reminded me of Walter Cronkite.  Truth be told I think it had something to do with his bushy eyebrows and gruff kind of exterior.  While he seemed all "crunchy" on the outside I knew he was mush on the inside. 

 

 

This is the third Walter.  Walter came to my child care program when he was just a few weeks old and stayed until Kindergarten. 

 

When Walter's mom called to talk about child care openings she was unaware that I was at a point in my career where I had decided I was not going to do infant care anymore.  She explained to me that she and her hubby had been on an adoption waiting list and there was a little boy that they could adopt.  There was only one problem - he was ready to be placed NOW.  We all know how hard it is to find child care let alone infant care.  I explained to her that I wasn't sure I was going to do infant care anymore.  She asked me to think about it and get back to her.  I did as she asked and put deep thought into whether or not I wanted to do infant care.  I came to the conclusion that I did not.  When she called I was trying to find a way to break the news to her that I had decided not to take her child.  Before I could tell her my decision she began to talk about her little guy.  I asked her what his name was and she said (you guessed it) "His name is James, but we are going to call him by his middle name Walter!

 

Okay I don't know about you, but I am a "signs" type of person.  Not the Mel Gibson alien in the pantry type of signs but a sign that makes me feel something inside.  What are the odds of anyone in this day and age naming their child Walter?  For me the name Walter stirred strong, happy memories for me.  I knew that this child was supposed to be a part of my child care.  Did I ever regret my decision?  No.  Walter went on to be one of the most intelligent, happy-go-lucky children that has been in my program.

 

What is the bottom-line reason I am sharing my Walter stories with you?  I want you to recognize and respect the little voice inside of you.  You know the one.  The one that starts talking when you are about to make a decision that might or might not be the right one.  Trust your feelings, don't talk yourself out of them.  I know a lot of people that would disagree with running a business like this but I firmly believe that you have to go on gut instinct when running a family child care program.  Family child care is a very unique situation.  Your family and your business are truly intertwined  in a that no other career is.  What other profession invites their clients into their home?  to interact with their family day-to-day? 

 

Follow your heart when making decisions.  When I say this I don't mean to the detriment of your child care program or your own family (like letting a child care family rack up a huge child care bill or constantly letting them walk all over you) but rather doing what you know is right.  It may not always seem like it, but it's true - you are the only one in control of your program.  Make it what YOU want it to be! 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 



Epiphany or Exhaustion?



Do you ever feel like you are too tired to do child care anymore?  Be a parent anymore?  I went through a period of time thinking that.  A situation would arise and I would think to myself, "no big deal - no one's bleeding, there's no danger, does this really matter?" and I would let the situation unfold without intervention.  As time went on I noticed situations like this happening more and more frequently.  I began to think, "Wow have I just stopped caring?  Should I be looking for a new career?" and then one day I had an EPIPHANY!  It wasn't that I was too tired to intervene or worry about the situations, I had learned to appreciate the process vs. the product. 

Understanding the importance the process plays in child development is something all child care providers should know and incorporate into their programs.  It's important to watch for opportunities to let the children "drive the bus" (Note:  It's okay to let the children drive the bus :) but not the pigeon!    If you don't understand this statement let me know and I'll explain it because you are missing out!)

One of the most recent opportunities I had to let a child take the lead involved my grandson.  This is Rowan and he is one and a half.

 

 

The other night Rowan was drinking out of a large, tall water bottle.  After taking a few swigs he disappeared into the kitchen.  Moments later he returned with the water bottle and a small glass.  As his mom, dad and I watched he sat the glass down on my living room floor and quickly began to pour the water from the bottle into the glass.  Needless to say, gravity took over and the water came swooshing out, overshot the glass and made a puddle on the carpet.  He was so focused on the task at hand he didn't notice the puddle but readjusted the angle of the bottle and successfully filled the glass, handed the water bottle to his dad and took a drink from the glass.

 

At that moment he looked up at the three of us with a look of accomplishment on his face.  His dad went to the kitchen and brought back paper towels and started cleaning up the puddle.  As he watched his dad clean up the puddle the expression on his face became concerned.  It was clear to see he was starting to feel bad for what had happened.  In that split second I had the opportunity to celebrate his accomplishment and fuel his sense of accomplishment or I could intensify the sense of embarrassment and uncertainty that was building.  I decided to celebrate the task he had conquered.  I told him "Way to go!  You poured your water like a big boy!" and gave him a high five. 

 

 

 

 

Would I have always responded this way?  No.  I have to admit as a young parent or even as a new child care provider I tended to "sweat the small stuff."  Years ago I  probably would have said something about the mess and how we needed to clean it up.  The conversation would more than likely have also included a statement about "next time let me or your mom or dad help you."  

 

For young children the process is key.  It's through the process that they learn.  Process allows them to practice whatever skill they are trying to master.  That could be a fine or gross motor skill, a social skill, a problem solving skill or a conflict resolution skill.  I once read an article that said learning is an individual process.  If this is a true statement, which I believe it is, then we are providers must allow child-directed process to occur.

 

Take a moment to think about these questions.   Do you allow the children in your program to drive the bus?  Do you intervene or do you let them problem solve?  Are you willing to expand on something of interest to the children or is your day dictated by a schedule?  Do your parents understand the importance of the process vs. the product?  How can you help the children you serve fuel their fires?  When children think back about the time the spent with you, will they remember what they made or what they did? 

 





I.M.A.G.I.N.E.

As providers we can get bogged down with the day-to-day challenges we face:  parents who are late with payments, children that bite, family members who are less than supportive of our chosen profession, and a long list of other things too long to list.  Often when faced with the day-to-day issues we lose sight of the importance of our work.

To help myself remember the role I play as a provider I try to live my life by one simple word:  Imagine.  In my life imagine stands for "I make a genuine impact - NO exceptions!"  This reminds me that whatever I say or do has an impact on the children in my care.

Every once in a while a child comes a long who makes a strong impact on us.  For me that was Madi.  Madi came to our program as a brand-new, six week old little bundle of adorable.  From the first moment I held her I was hooked.  I knew she was one of those children I would never forget.  What I didn't realize at that moment was that I would be a person in her life whom she would not forget.

Madi was in our program until she was old enough to go off to kindergarten.  The weeks leading up to her leaving were hard on all of us.  There would be days where there were tears, days there was laughter, and days where we just spend quiet time together.  After she started Kindergarten she would call us just to check in - let us know how school was going for her and see how things were going for us.

One night during a Parent's Night Out event at our child care our doorbell rang.  I opened the door to find Madi's bright, smiling face.  Madi's mom apologized for not calling but explained Madi had made something for me and wanted to surprise me with it.

This picture was my gift.  I took it from her speechless.  Madi had no way of knowing that I had just finished a particularly difficult child care week and was actually questioning whether or not what I did truly made an impact.  With one small gesture she reminded me that everything I did was for a reason.  It was the answer I needed - yes I do make a difference!

In these uncertain times in the early care and education field it is more important than ever that we as providers remember that we do make a difference!  We touch the lives of the future everyday.  Everything we say, everything we don't say, everything we do, everything we don't do, makes an impact.  The questions we need to ask ourselves everyday are, "Did we make a positive impact?  A lasting impact?  Did we do all we can do to be the best provider we can be for the children in our care?"

"B" Word not Allowed!

I don't know about you, but there are definitely names that I do not like to be called.  One name in particular actually drove me to name this blog, "B" Word not Allowed!  

When I was a teenager the "B" word didn't bother me.  It didn't bother me as I grew up.  Didn't bother me when I got married.  Didn't bother me when I became a mother.  To be honest it never bothered me until....I became a family child care provider.

Once I became a family child care provider, everything changed.  It seemed like everyone was calling me the "B" work - my family, my friends, former colleagues, people at my church, and most shockingly other family child care providers! Had I just never noticed how frequently the word was used?  Had I in fact turned into the "B" word?  Had I always been the "B" word?  When did I become the "B" word?  

With deep thought and soul searching I had to admit, yes I was indeed, the "B" word.  It started when I was 13.  It went on for years and I was very, very good at it.  In fact I was probably the best in my neighborhood.  I also realized that while I might have been a "B" word when I was a teenager, I am certainly no "B" word any longer!  

The "B" word I am referring to is babysitter.  As a provider do you do everything you can to remove that word from the vocabulary of your family, your friends, the families in your child care program, decision makers - from your own vocabulary? 

It is up to us as family child care providers, to educate those around us about our profession.  Do they realize everything we are required to do to be a provider?  While not all states are the same I can speak to what is required in my own state. 

• I am required to be licensed
• I must pay a fee to be licensed
• I must be CPR/First Aid certified
• I must have 30 hours field related training hours every two years
• I am inspected by DFS twice a year
• I am inspected by the Fire Marshall each year
• I am inspected by the Department of Health and Sanitation every year
• I am inspected 3 times a year by the CACFP program

This is just a portion of the things I do as a family child care provider.  Am I complaining about this - no.  I am merely pointing out that the average person does not realize everything that goes into being a provider.  It is up to us to help them understand that family child care is a profession.  If we don't take the time to educate those around us, it will not happen.  Take time to instill a "B" Word not Allowed! policy in your life.  Let's work together to elevate our profession!