Forever Friends

Two of the best definitions I have found for the word friend are:

 

1.  one attached to another by affection

2.  a favored companion

  

One of the things I enjoy in child care is watching children develop relationships and friendships with other children in my program.  It happens all the time but occasionally there is a friendship that begins and lasts way beyond child care. 

A few years ago I had two little girls in my child care program that both stated at birth ( for confidentiality reasons we will call them Abbi and Logan.) Both girls started in our program when they were babies and were a part of our program until they entered kindergarten.  They did tummy time together, they learned to sit up together, they learned to walk together, they learned to talk together - they learned everything together.  Their friendship began as early as a friendship can begin and as the years passed it became clear they were best friends.

All of the children in our program knew they were best friends as did their families.  While there were occasional play dates outside of our program, they did not live in the same neighborhood and their parents did not socialize outside of child care so they had very limited opportunities to spend time together other than the when they were at child care. 

Time ticked by and it was soon time for the girls to head off to kindergarten.  As kindergarten approached they would have long talks about the plans they were making to see each other after Miss Sue’s.  They did not completely understand that they would not be going to the same kindergarten or that they would not see each other every day.  As their last days in child care approached their families and I all tried to help make it a smooth transition.  As expected there were tears on their last day when they realized they would not be sharing their lives in the same way.  Both girls went off to kindergarten and their days at our program became memories. 

One day after Christmas break Abbi’s mom called me and said she wanted to tell me a story.  Abbi and Logan had not seen each other since starting school.  Abbi had just received a picture in the mail from Logan.  Logan had dictated a note to her mother which was to be included in with the picture.  The gist of the note was, “Here is a picture I made for you because I miss you very, very, very, much!  You will always be my best friend!  Love, Logan” After Abbi’s mom read the note to Abbi she began to cry.  Not just a little cry or a pretend cry, but a deep cry one would associate with loss.  Abbi’s mom explained that while she knew how close the girls were, she truly didn’t understand how close they were until that moment.  She had not taken the time to look at the situation from the girls’ point of view.   They had spent 40+ hours per week together for five years. and then suddenly nothing.  After she calmed Abbi down she called Logan’s mom and explained what had happened.  They scheduled the first of many play dates.  The best friends were reunited.

As a child care provider I totally understand the importance of social development and relationship building in children birth to five.  I've always tried to share information with the parents in my program about important relationships their child has developed in our program.  One of the ways I have shared that information is by providing parents opportunities to see their children socialize with the other children in my program.   We all know that certain parents drop off at certain times and pick up at certain times.  If they don’t happen to have the same work schedule it is quite possible they never run into each other.  With this in mind I have always scheduled family events in my program so that parents can see their children at play and socializing with the children they spend 8, 9, or more hours per day with.  It provides parents an opportunity to see how much other children mean to their child. 

 Do you share relationship information with the parents in your program? Do you provide family events in your program?  Do you understand the depth of friendship that can develop in young children?  Who are friends in your program?  What do you do to foster friendship in your program?