I Need More Hellos

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos.   Charles M. Shultz

 

 

I am not a fan of good-byes.  Never have been.  This time of year is always full of good-byes for most child care providers and I am no exception.  This year I have two little ones going off to kindergarten. 

 

I've always thought that doing family child care was a double-edged sword when it came to the close relationships we build with the families in our program.  While I love the fact the that the greater majority of families that come through my program have been with me from birth to school, it also makes it harder to let them go. 

When you have families that have 2 or 3 children it is not unusual to have that family involved in your program for a decade or more.  A DECADE!  Think about how much time that is.  When you work in child care you often see your child care families more than your own family members or friends.  While it is always hard to say goodbye to the children that leave my program it has become increasingly harder over the last few years.  I attribute that to the fact that our own children are now grown and out of our house. 

Recently I was taking a trip down memory lane thinking about different families that have come and gone over the years.  Now you all know that even though we try not to, we have favorites.  For a multitude of reasons we bond with some families more than we do others.  There was a period of time about 5 years ago that I had a larger than normal group of longtime families that I was really close too.

One day a couple of months ago one of those moms stopped by.  I thought she was bringing her kids to visit but she was alone.  She said that she was in the area and wanted to stop in because she had a few questions.  The first thing she asked was how was child care going and did I think I would be doing it a while longer.  I said it was going great and yes I was going to keep going for at least another 4 or 5 years.  She said that was great news and wondered if I had any infant openings.  I assumed it was for a friend and told her that if it was for her of course we had an opening.  She smiled and quietly said, "it is."  Their new little bundle was a total surprise!  One of my favorite families ever will be rejoining or program in November. 

As I've mentioned before I look for signs that I am on the right track, I am where I need to be in my life.  This was definitely one of those signs. 

Last Friday I said goodbye to one of my two little ones heading off to kindergarten and yesterday I said goodbye to the other little one.  Today holds another goodbye for me.  Our son is going back to Chicago (900 miles away) this afternoon.  He has been home for a week for our oldest daughter's wedding which had a whole lot of goodbyes tied to it.  I'm feeling sad as I write this post just thinking about it.  I know I am being selfish and I need to focus on the fact that he is only a phone call or Skype away but it is hard none the less.

Today I will work hard to make the day full of hellos.    Hello to new opportunities to develop relationships with the new little ones starting with our program next week. Hello to new experiences for the children in my program.  Hellos to people I haven't talked to in a while.  Hellos to new ideas and the places they can take me. Hellos to life!

Are you going to have hellos or goodbyes in your program today?  How will you handle them?  What can you do to make memories today? 

 



 



Facebook page

I've started a Facebook page to go with my blog.

You can find it at https://www.facebook.com/bwordnotallowed  I'm still new to blogging and can't figure out how to put a link to connect on the home page.

I also can't figure out how to put blog on the Facebook page.  I'll get it figured out, but until then this will have to do.  :)

TRASH TRUCK!!!!

You can feel the rumbling and hear the squealing before you ever see it.  Squeaky brakes, clanging cans, revving engine, grinding gears.  Waiting, listening, watching and then...it appears!  The TRASH TRUCK!

The driver is greeted with squeals of delight, waving hands, and smiles of anticipation provided by a complete squad of cheerleaders ages 2 to 5 years.  She waves back and off she goes.

This cheering section is a weekly occurrence at my child care program.  It truly is one of the most exciting moments in our program each week.  Actually every other week it happens twice because it is a recycle week.  While I know that this is going to happen every week, I have honestly never taken time to watch the trash truck - until today.  As I stood on the deck watching the kids I did something I had never done before, I watched the trash truck.  I've seen the trash truck a zillion times but until today I had never taken the time to watch exactly what it does. I watched as the yellow arm lowered down to my trash can and scooped it up.  Slowly the yellow arm raised up above the truck and slowly turned our garbage can upside down.  As the can was held upside down, bag after bag fell through the air and into the back of the truck.  Once it was empty the big yellow arm slowly turned the can upright and sat it back down by the fence and drove away.

The whole trash truck visit got me to thinking.  What else was going on in my childcare that I wasn't taking time to watch and enjoy.  I am the first one to admit that I sometimes get swept up in the tasks of the day, the problems, the frustrations and forget to stop and enjoy the day.

It seems sometimes that too many days go by and I realize I have gotten caught up in the product of child care (the stress - the problems) vs. the process (enjoying the children and the work we do).  Seriously now, have you ever thought about what a blessing it is to be a childcare provider?  What other career pays someone to play, explore, create, and be a part of the most important years of a child's life?

I found some words of wisdom in a book called, "100 Ways to Build Self-Esteem & Teach Values" by Diana Loomans that I'd like to share.  These words help me to remember the importance of what I do and how much I truly love my career choice.  They help me to live in the moment and not spend my days waiting for weekend.

If I had my child to raise over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

  I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love. 

 

What did you take time to stop and enjoy in your program today?  this week?  Are you taking the time, to take the time, to enjoy the children in your program?  Can you name three discoveries the children in your program made today?  this week?  Do you have a harder time focusing on the joy of your job because of issues with the children or issues with their parents?  Are you living for the weekend? 

 



 

   

Is the Heart Missing?

I recently had a conversation with one of my child care moms about an interim director at her place of business.  There has been a large staff turnover in higher up management positions and she was telling me that the new director had held a meeting and wanted to talk about whatever questions the staff might have.   It was clear that people were not comfortable asking questions.  My child care mom is a strong person and wanted answers, so she asked one of the most burning ones - why did everyone leave?  The director addressed the question head on and a change in the room began.

As the meeting progressed my child care mom felt that the new interim director had something that was missing from the last director - heart.  She had empathy and compassion for the staff.  She genuinely wanted the staff to be happy in their job and happy in general.  My child care mom went on to say that it felt almost "freeing" after having been through the previous management style that didn't value employee happiness and satisfaction.

I have been a child care provider for the last 21 years.  In addition to being a child care provider, I am the state coordinator for the family child care network in my state and a trainer.  In my work with other providers I work hard to help them understand the important role they play in the lives of the families they serve and that child care is a profession.

My mom hit on one of the exact messages I try to convey to the providers I mentor and train.  That message is - if you put your whole heart into your child care program the dynamic of your child care program will change.  You can't run your child care program halfheartedly.  You can't have interactions and exchanges with the children in your care halfheartedly.  You can't build a relationship with the families in your program halfheartedly.  It has to be all or nothing to truly be successful. 

Now I know there are people out there that are going to say that if you give yourself wholeheartedly you will crash and burn.  That's where as a professional you have to find ways to fight burnout and stress and incorporate them into your daily routine.

As I was writing this blog post I was thinking about the years that I have felt totally satisfied as a provider and the ones I have not and I had yet another EPIPHANY!  The years that I felt less satisfied were years that I was not giving myself whole-heartedly to my program!

Were there reasons I wasn't giving myself wholeheartedly?  Yes.  Are there reasons we as providers do not go all out?  Of course.  In order to go all out that means we have to open ourselves up, heart and soul, to the families in our program and that leaves opportunity for us to be hurt or disappointed.  There are numerous factors that play a role in how much of ourselves we can put into our program at any given time.  We may be dealing with financial issues, or loss of a loved one, or confusion about our career choice, or a million other things.  What we need to remember is that as long as we are working in the child care profession we have to stay focused and give ourselves wholeheartedly for the good of ourselves and the children in our program.

Are you giving yourself wholeheartedly to your program?  Why or why not?  How do you as a provider make the families/children in your program care?  What do you do to show them that you care?  How do you show that they matter to you?  Do they matter to you?  Do you open yourself up to have an honest, open relationship with those in your program or is it  just "going through the motions?"  Do you actually care about the families in your program or are they simply a paycheck?

Our winner is....

Sabrina Caston. 

Sabrina can you private message me with you address and gift card preference and I'll get it in the mail.

Thanks to all participated.

Let's Have a Contest!

I am having a contest.

Everyone who follows this blog and then posts a comment on this post will be entered into a drawing for $20 gift card of their choice.

Deadline to enter is midnight Saturday, August 10th.

Let's start a following :)

Walter

There have been three Walters in my life. 

This is the first Walter.  For those of you too young to remember him, this is Walter Cronkite.  Walter Cronkite was the news anchor for CBS for many years.  Everyone loved him and at one point a survey ranked him as the most trusted man in America.  I lost both of my grandpas at a young age and decided that I wanted Walter Cronkite to be my new grandpa.  Of course that never happened but it was one of my dreams as a little girl.



 



                                                    

 

This is the second Walter.  Walter is my oldest daughter's dog.  Years ago we were at a cookout at a campground out in the middle of nowhere.  This little white dog was running around visiting all those attending.  After a while he kind of settled in with our immediate group.  I asked the campground manager whose dog he was.  The manager said someone had left him there a few weeks ago.  He had let him stay thinking maybe the person would return but they never did.  Since it was obvious they were not coming back he had decided he was going to have to take him to a shelter because he couldn't find him a home.  Long story short - my daughter and her roommate took him in.  I'm sure just by looking at him you can tell he has a bit of an attitude. Walter immediately won my heart.  There aren't many people who actually like him but we have a special connection.

 

When it came time to name him we kicked around numerous names.  One of the names I put out there was Walter.  Not just Walter but Walter Cronkite. For some reason he reminded me of Walter Cronkite.  Truth be told I think it had something to do with his bushy eyebrows and gruff kind of exterior.  While he seemed all "crunchy" on the outside I knew he was mush on the inside. 

 

 

This is the third Walter.  Walter came to my child care program when he was just a few weeks old and stayed until Kindergarten. 

 

When Walter's mom called to talk about child care openings she was unaware that I was at a point in my career where I had decided I was not going to do infant care anymore.  She explained to me that she and her hubby had been on an adoption waiting list and there was a little boy that they could adopt.  There was only one problem - he was ready to be placed NOW.  We all know how hard it is to find child care let alone infant care.  I explained to her that I wasn't sure I was going to do infant care anymore.  She asked me to think about it and get back to her.  I did as she asked and put deep thought into whether or not I wanted to do infant care.  I came to the conclusion that I did not.  When she called I was trying to find a way to break the news to her that I had decided not to take her child.  Before I could tell her my decision she began to talk about her little guy.  I asked her what his name was and she said (you guessed it) "His name is James, but we are going to call him by his middle name Walter!

 

Okay I don't know about you, but I am a "signs" type of person.  Not the Mel Gibson alien in the pantry type of signs but a sign that makes me feel something inside.  What are the odds of anyone in this day and age naming their child Walter?  For me the name Walter stirred strong, happy memories for me.  I knew that this child was supposed to be a part of my child care.  Did I ever regret my decision?  No.  Walter went on to be one of the most intelligent, happy-go-lucky children that has been in my program.

 

What is the bottom-line reason I am sharing my Walter stories with you?  I want you to recognize and respect the little voice inside of you.  You know the one.  The one that starts talking when you are about to make a decision that might or might not be the right one.  Trust your feelings, don't talk yourself out of them.  I know a lot of people that would disagree with running a business like this but I firmly believe that you have to go on gut instinct when running a family child care program.  Family child care is a very unique situation.  Your family and your business are truly intertwined  in a that no other career is.  What other profession invites their clients into their home?  to interact with their family day-to-day? 

 

Follow your heart when making decisions.  When I say this I don't mean to the detriment of your child care program or your own family (like letting a child care family rack up a huge child care bill or constantly letting them walk all over you) but rather doing what you know is right.  It may not always seem like it, but it's true - you are the only one in control of your program.  Make it what YOU want it to be!