We > Me

 

I was driving through town the other day and saw two girls walking together talking.  It was apparent from the type of shirt they were wearing that the girls were on the same sports team. They were both wearing a t-shirt that had a saying on it I had never seen before.  It said

 

This shirt got me thinking about the early childhood profession.  Based on conversations I have had with numerous providers across the country over the last year, I think I am safe in saying that we as providers don't often find ourselves in a WE > ME situations but rather THEM vs. ME or THEM > ME situations. 

The THEM can take on all shapes and forms.  "THEM" can be parents or licensors or decision makers or family members.  The list can go on and on. The "THEM" that I hear about most often are the ones who monitor our programs.  I hear constantly from providers how hard it is to do their jobs because of people who set policies they have to follow in their childcare programs.  Quite often the people in decision or policy making positions have no first hand experience in an early child hood setting let alone in a family child care setting.  Why is it people who have never done family child care feel comfortable making decisions about our profession without thoroughly researching it or at the very least talking to family child care providers directly before making decisions?

I can only assume it has something to do with the fact that our profession is not always thought of as a profession but rather as babysitting.  When it is thought of as babysitting it changes the amount of professionalism that is tied to child care.  Anyone can be a babysitter right?

I truly believe that in order for child care providers to experience less frustration caused by "them" we as providers have to come together and speak out.  We can't rely on others to speak up for us.  The most important reason is because they are not the experts in the filed of child care - we are.  We have the knowledge and the experience to advocate for ourselves individually and as a whole profession.  It starts with simple conversations with friends and family about what we do and then moves onto anyone else that we have the opportunity to talk to about our profession.  It's kind of like the Breck shampoo commercial from the 70's.  "I told 2 friends and they told 2 friends who told 2 friends...  We need to start the conversation. 

The state where I live is facing some rather significant changes related to the Early Care and Education field.  Decisions are being made that are not in the best interests of child care providers but more importantly not in the best interest of children.  The We>Me shirt really got me to thinking, what if all early childhood professionals took this on as their motto?  What if we all joined together with the same mindset and stood up for our own children as well as the children in our programs?  What if we all joined together to save childhood?  What if all the decisions we made that affect children were made for the good of the child?

I have vowed to do all I can to see that the decisions based in my state are for the good of the children, what are you going to do for the children in your state?



 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Cultivating Parents

Everything that grows in life comes from seeds that are planted.   This is true whether we are actually planting something that will grow from the ground or something we plant as a concept or idea.  Both begin with seeds.

This year we decided to plant sunflowers.  Big giant sunflowers. While this may seem like a small thing to people who are successful gardeners, it is a huge undertaking for me.  Growing things from the ground is way harder for me than growing things from an idea.  Let's put it in perspective by saying I have been able to grow ONE houseplant successfully - ever!

While I may not be a successful gardener, I am successful at growing other things.  One of the things I am most successful in growing is relationships.  A frequent topic when talking with other child care providers is how to fill openings in their child care programs.  When they ask me how I stay full and have families that stay from birth to school, I tell them it is through relationship development.  No matter how well you get along with the child you have to have a successful partnership with the parent as well.  It takes time and effort to "plant a successful parent garden."

With any kind of planting, the first step to cultivating a garden is preparation.  You have to make sure the soil is ready for planting which may include tilling, clearing of rocks, checking for drainage issues, and  adding organic matter such as compost or manure.  Preparation is an important part of cultivating your "parent garden" as well.  You must be prepared when potential child care parents call you for an interview.  The words you choose, the way you conduct your interview, and the items you include in your handbook or contract are all important first steps.  This is your first opportunity to present a professional image and let them know your expectations of them as parents in your program.

The second step to your garden is planting the actual seeds.  Seed or bulb packages contain precise information on how deep they need to be planted, where they need to be planted and what time of year they need to be planted.  Planting seeds with parents involve when, where and time as well.  It starts at the very beginning - the interview.  After your interview you wait for word from the parents whether or not they will take the slot.  What do you do during that time?  If it is a family that you feel will be a good fit for your program, let them know.  Nothing fancy, just a little note saying you enjoyed meeting them and think they would be a great addition to your child care.  This can be done through email or texting or a phone call.  It's okay to let them know you want their business. It is just as acceptable to let them know if you think they will not be a good fit.  During my parent interviews I tell them thanks for coming and take some time making their decision.  We want this to be a good fit.  It is okay if they decide we aren't the right program for their child because I will let them know if I think they will not the right fit for our program.

Once you receive word that they will be joining your program, your relationship begins.  The most important step in developing your relationship with the parents is the day-to-day interactions that you have with them.  It can be compared to watering your garden.  We all know that if you don't water your plants they will die.  It is the same thing with parents.  If you don't connect with parents each time they come to your child care the relationship is not going to develop.  How many times have you been busy when  a parent arrives to drop off or pick up a child?  Do you take that moment to have a meaningful couple of sentences or is it just a "here you go" kind of exchange followed by "have a good day."  I know we are really busy as providers, but we need to remember how important our exchanges with parents are in relationship development.  Take time to ask a few family specific questions to let them know you genuinely care about their family.  This will also help to establish a "full-circle" type of care situation.  If you are helping enforce the same things parents are at home and they are helping enforce what you do in your program, the child will see that you and their parents are a unified team.  I have found this approach has actually helped to reduce numerous problems in my child care including behavior issues.

Over the months of my sunflower adventure, we encountered numerous obstacles - my dog digging up the sunflower bed (which prompted a fence), ants eating the leaves (which prompted pepper on the leaves), and 4 hail storms.  Although as you can see the leaves are a little battered, they survived.  Working with parents often has obstacles that we must overcome, learn from and make any necessary adjustments as well.  It is up to you as a provider to speak up.  You must let parents know when there is an issue.  Things won't change unless you speak up.  If a parent continually picks up late - weed out that problem.  If a parent doesn't pay on time - weed out that problem.  If a parent doesn't follow the rules in your program - weed out that problem.  It isn't their fault if you don't speak up! 

Finally remember to let your parents know that you appreciate them and the fact that they have trusted you to care for one of the most precious things in their lives - their child.  This is the sunlight in your parent garden.  If parents feel valued they will stay with your program.  They will talk about your program to friends which can lead to business for your program.  If you are able to fill your slots by word of mouth you are less likely to get problem parents.  Parents are not going to knowingly refer someone that is going to cause their provider problems.  They want a successful relationship with you.

Are you taking the time to cultivate your parents or are you just complaining about the problems they cause?  Are you proactive when you want a family in your program?  Do you explain clearly the expectations and policies you have in place in your program?  Are you providing enough water and sunshine for the parents in your program?

Mondays in Disguise

 

Have you ever had one of those days?  You know the ones - the ones that come in looking like any day of the week but are truly a Monday in disguise.  Days like this start out innocently enough but...

Imagine a day that starts out with little Amy's mom rushing her in the door, depositing Amy in your arms, kissing her little angel on the head and yelling over her shoulder as she leaves your house, "Amy woke up with a fever.  It was just a little one 100.9 but it's gone now thanks to the Tylenol.  She should be good to go!"  Amy's drop off is immediately followed by Mathew coming out of the bathroom saying, "Your bathroom is really cool Miss Sue, and the floor is all squishy-squashy."  Upon investigation you find that the Myth Busters in your program have figured out just how much toilet paper and how many paper towels it takes to make a "waterfall" out of your toilet, which does in fact lead to squishy-squashy floor.  Upon exiting the bathroom you hear Becky say, "Look Miss Sue, Tommy's breakfast is coming back out.  Isn't that cool?"  The final icing on the cake of your "are you kidding me day" is topped off by your licensor ringing your doorbell and popping her head in to say she is there for your unannounced visit!

Anyone reading this description that is not a child care provider might think you were making the whole thing up.  If they did believe you they would probably just chuckle and offer a few well-placed platitudes such as, “I just don’t know how you do it” or  “It probably seemed worse that it was.”

Now don’t get me wrong those that love us such as husbands, friends, and parents (both our own biological ones and those that we serve in our child care programs) truly do care about us and want to hear about our day, it’s just they can’t really understand the feelings and emotions we go through during a day like the one described above.  

If you tell another child care provider about a day like this, not only do they understand but they can completely identify with how you are feeling and tell you they understand because that kind of day happened last week for them.  This becomes a bonding moment for the two of you as providers.

This kind of sharing between family child care providers is vitally important to our mental health.  The support we gain from others in the field is invaluable.  Family child care providers we spend anywhere from 10—12 hours per day generally without the ability to interact with our peers.  Networking with other providers helps to combat isolation and burnout and is important.  Being able to share our thoughts and feelings with others who truly understand is crucial to our well being as providers. 

Do you have a support system of other family child care providers?  What do you do to fight burnout?  How do you survive Mondays in disguise?

Forever Friends

Two of the best definitions I have found for the word friend are:

 

1.  one attached to another by affection

2.  a favored companion

  

One of the things I enjoy in child care is watching children develop relationships and friendships with other children in my program.  It happens all the time but occasionally there is a friendship that begins and lasts way beyond child care. 

A few years ago I had two little girls in my child care program that both stated at birth ( for confidentiality reasons we will call them Abbi and Logan.) Both girls started in our program when they were babies and were a part of our program until they entered kindergarten.  They did tummy time together, they learned to sit up together, they learned to walk together, they learned to talk together - they learned everything together.  Their friendship began as early as a friendship can begin and as the years passed it became clear they were best friends.

All of the children in our program knew they were best friends as did their families.  While there were occasional play dates outside of our program, they did not live in the same neighborhood and their parents did not socialize outside of child care so they had very limited opportunities to spend time together other than the when they were at child care. 

Time ticked by and it was soon time for the girls to head off to kindergarten.  As kindergarten approached they would have long talks about the plans they were making to see each other after Miss Sue’s.  They did not completely understand that they would not be going to the same kindergarten or that they would not see each other every day.  As their last days in child care approached their families and I all tried to help make it a smooth transition.  As expected there were tears on their last day when they realized they would not be sharing their lives in the same way.  Both girls went off to kindergarten and their days at our program became memories. 

One day after Christmas break Abbi’s mom called me and said she wanted to tell me a story.  Abbi and Logan had not seen each other since starting school.  Abbi had just received a picture in the mail from Logan.  Logan had dictated a note to her mother which was to be included in with the picture.  The gist of the note was, “Here is a picture I made for you because I miss you very, very, very, much!  You will always be my best friend!  Love, Logan” After Abbi’s mom read the note to Abbi she began to cry.  Not just a little cry or a pretend cry, but a deep cry one would associate with loss.  Abbi’s mom explained that while she knew how close the girls were, she truly didn’t understand how close they were until that moment.  She had not taken the time to look at the situation from the girls’ point of view.   They had spent 40+ hours per week together for five years. and then suddenly nothing.  After she calmed Abbi down she called Logan’s mom and explained what had happened.  They scheduled the first of many play dates.  The best friends were reunited.

As a child care provider I totally understand the importance of social development and relationship building in children birth to five.  I've always tried to share information with the parents in my program about important relationships their child has developed in our program.  One of the ways I have shared that information is by providing parents opportunities to see their children socialize with the other children in my program.   We all know that certain parents drop off at certain times and pick up at certain times.  If they don’t happen to have the same work schedule it is quite possible they never run into each other.  With this in mind I have always scheduled family events in my program so that parents can see their children at play and socializing with the children they spend 8, 9, or more hours per day with.  It provides parents an opportunity to see how much other children mean to their child. 

 Do you share relationship information with the parents in your program? Do you provide family events in your program?  Do you understand the depth of friendship that can develop in young children?  Who are friends in your program?  What do you do to foster friendship in your program?

 



 



What's Your Story?

One of the things I enjoy the most about networking with other providers is hearing their story.  The story about why they became a child care provider.

For me it was literally a life changing journey.  Twenty-one years ago I worked in a personnel office for a state agency.  Our oldest daughter was 6 and our son was 4 when our youngest little bundle came along. 

When my maternity leave ended we took our children to one of the most amazing family child care providers I have ever met.  The kids loved her, my husband and I loved her, but something was wrong.  Not with our provider but with me.  Each day after I dropped the kids off at her house I would cry all the way to work.  I would cry on my breaks, I would cry on my lunch, I would cry all the time.  My crying didn't have anything to do with our provider - it was all me.  After a lot of self evaluation I realized that I was feeling this way because this was our last child and I didn't want to miss a moment of it.  Staying home was not an option because we needed my income as well as my husband's.

Soon after I returned to work my best friend called me and told me that her child care provider was closing.  She was having a terrible time finding a quality program where she could take my goddaughter.  She asked if my provider had any openings.  As with any good provider, her program was full and her waiting list was long.  Time went by and they still had not found a new child care provider and I was still unhappy with my own situation with my daughter.  During a conversation my friend mentioned that she and her husband might have come up to a solution to both of our problems.

What if they brought my goddaughter to me for child care and I could stay home with both their child and our children.  They would pay me and that would allow me to still bring in an income.  I have to be honest, when she first explained her plan to me I laughed.  Seriously, it was the 80s and I was little Susie Business Woman.  I'm sure you've seen pictures - big hair, big jewelry, business suits, shoulder pads - you get the picture.  While I loved being a mom I couldn't imagine being home all day caring for and entertaining children. 

We pretty much tabled the conversation until I really couldn't handle missing my kids anymore.  I talked to my family and once I had their blessing and support I called my friend and told her let's give it a try.  I gave my notice and 2 weeks later my child care adventure began.  I have to admit, things went much smoother than I had anticipated and more surprisingly I found myself really enjoying my career change.  After a few weeks I received a call from the gal who had the office next to mine when I worked for the state.  She wondered if I was still watching my friend's child and if so, would I consider watching her daughter as well.  I figured since I was already watching one child other than my own why not watch one more.  This sort of started an avalanche of calls and one thing led to another and next thing I knew I was licensed, at capacity and had a waiting list of my own.

My plan was always to do child care until our youngest daughter was in school.  Apparently I neglected to specify which school because she is in the last stages of nursing school, I am still doing childcare and am in fact providing child care for her two children as well.  Looking back I can see that God had a bigger plan for me than I could have ever imagined.  While I enjoyed my job at the state, I have more than enjoyed by career as a provider. 

I would love to hear your story.  Why did you become a child care provider?  Was it accidental or on purpose?  How long have you been a provider?  Why do you continue to be a provider?  What is the best part of being a provider?  What would you change if you could?

I Need More Hellos

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos.   Charles M. Shultz

 

 

I am not a fan of good-byes.  Never have been.  This time of year is always full of good-byes for most child care providers and I am no exception.  This year I have two little ones going off to kindergarten. 

 

I've always thought that doing family child care was a double-edged sword when it came to the close relationships we build with the families in our program.  While I love the fact the that the greater majority of families that come through my program have been with me from birth to school, it also makes it harder to let them go. 

When you have families that have 2 or 3 children it is not unusual to have that family involved in your program for a decade or more.  A DECADE!  Think about how much time that is.  When you work in child care you often see your child care families more than your own family members or friends.  While it is always hard to say goodbye to the children that leave my program it has become increasingly harder over the last few years.  I attribute that to the fact that our own children are now grown and out of our house. 

Recently I was taking a trip down memory lane thinking about different families that have come and gone over the years.  Now you all know that even though we try not to, we have favorites.  For a multitude of reasons we bond with some families more than we do others.  There was a period of time about 5 years ago that I had a larger than normal group of longtime families that I was really close too.

One day a couple of months ago one of those moms stopped by.  I thought she was bringing her kids to visit but she was alone.  She said that she was in the area and wanted to stop in because she had a few questions.  The first thing she asked was how was child care going and did I think I would be doing it a while longer.  I said it was going great and yes I was going to keep going for at least another 4 or 5 years.  She said that was great news and wondered if I had any infant openings.  I assumed it was for a friend and told her that if it was for her of course we had an opening.  She smiled and quietly said, "it is."  Their new little bundle was a total surprise!  One of my favorite families ever will be rejoining or program in November. 

As I've mentioned before I look for signs that I am on the right track, I am where I need to be in my life.  This was definitely one of those signs. 

Last Friday I said goodbye to one of my two little ones heading off to kindergarten and yesterday I said goodbye to the other little one.  Today holds another goodbye for me.  Our son is going back to Chicago (900 miles away) this afternoon.  He has been home for a week for our oldest daughter's wedding which had a whole lot of goodbyes tied to it.  I'm feeling sad as I write this post just thinking about it.  I know I am being selfish and I need to focus on the fact that he is only a phone call or Skype away but it is hard none the less.

Today I will work hard to make the day full of hellos.    Hello to new opportunities to develop relationships with the new little ones starting with our program next week. Hello to new experiences for the children in my program.  Hellos to people I haven't talked to in a while.  Hellos to new ideas and the places they can take me. Hellos to life!

Are you going to have hellos or goodbyes in your program today?  How will you handle them?  What can you do to make memories today? 

 



 



Facebook page

I've started a Facebook page to go with my blog.

You can find it at https://www.facebook.com/bwordnotallowed  I'm still new to blogging and can't figure out how to put a link to connect on the home page.

I also can't figure out how to put blog on the Facebook page.  I'll get it figured out, but until then this will have to do.  :)